I Will Try To Fix You
by Floating-Uncertainties
Summary: Just as Clare is about to go all the way with Jake, one thought in her mind stops it from happening. As her emotions run wild, she sends a text message to the one person who needs to know what she almost did; Eli.


_Am I reading this right?_ Eli asked this question to himself multiple times as he took quick glances over at his phone. It was a text message from Clare, the girl whom he hadn't spoken to since the cabin trip. His hands shook as he tried to get a grip on what was going on_. It's just a text,_ he thought, but something in his head knew it wasn't just meant to be that.

It read, 'Can I see you right now? It's important.' Eli blinked a few times wondering what Clare wanted from him. They were on a friendly basis, if they he could call it that, but their communication was far from existent. Clare shot him almost imperceptible smiles or friendly waves in the halls of Degrassi. The occasional small talk would occur if it was a good day, but it never went past that.

Eli sighed and pushed his bangs back with his hand. _Should I even bother meeting her? What could she possibly have to say to me? _ After deliberating in his head, Eli decided he should at least go and see if she was okay. He knew that if something was really wrong with Clare, he wouldn't forgive himself for not doing something about it. With a quick intake of breath, he grabbed his jacket from his bed and headed out the door.

XXXX

Clare paced around her house nervously, biting on her cuticles as she did so. Had she really just texted Eli in such an urgent matter? The answer to that was yes. When she asked herself why, she knew deep down exactly the reason.

She had almost gone all the way with Jake and the mere thought of that scared her out of her mind. She remembered how she slowly unzipped her top and talked about how this was going to be a once in a lifetime moment. Jake was beneath her smiling as he watched her remove her shirt completely. As the moment grew more intimate, an alarm rang in Clare's head, begging her to stop what she was doing. It was then that she leaped off of Jake and ran towards the bathroom; tears streaming down her face. She listened to Jake's pleas and concerns from outside the locked door, but she told him to leave.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_ Clare asked herself that a few times before taking a glance of her self in the mirror. She saw her light makeup trail down her face. Her eyes were now red and swollen, but the apparent physical features were not what caught her attention. It was the look in her pale blue eyes and the feeling in her chest that took her by surprise. Her heart was rapidly beating; nearly scraping against her bones. Her eyes were lost, not in sense of lust, but a sense of confusion for who she was and what she almost just did.

Clare's whole purity vow was meant to be for when she got married, but if she was going to go against it, it had to be with someone special. Yet, as she had seen Jake, it wasn't him who she imagined she was kissing. It was Eli. It was always Eli and when she heard his name flutter into her mind at a moment such as losing her virginity, her choice was clearer than it ever had been before that day.

It was impulse and adrenaline running through her veins that influenced the next action she went through with. Clare opened the bathroom door, searched for Jake who seemed to have vanished, and then ran to the living room where she had left her phone. Her fingers typed along her keyboard with no effort and within a minute's time, the text was sent.

Xxx

Eli made his way to Clare's house immediately. He didn't know what was wrong, but he had sensed the urgency. Just as he arrived, Clare stepped outside, her face clearly unfixed from earlier that afternoon.

Eli stared at Clare; his eyes taking every aspect of her in. "Hey," he breathed. His ability to say much more than that left him.

"Hi," Clare responded in the almost the same exact tone. "There's uh… something I have to tell you." Her eyes diverted to her feet which were alternating roles in tapping the sidewalk.

Eli's eyebrow cocked upward. "Are you alright?" He asked as he analyzed Clare's features and noticed that she had been crying. "Spit it out, Edwards," Eli demanded as no words left Clare's lips.

As soon as Eli said that, Clare thought back to another time when he had spoken the same speech in similar context. It was when she was going to the dance with Fitz as her date. Now as she considered the situation, it once again had to do with a guy; another mistake she had made.

"I uh…" Her voice trailed off. She bit her bottom lip, desperately trying to find words that would string together and form a proper sentence. "I almost … I almost had sex with Jake." Clare swallowed hard as she waited for Eli's reaction.

It was in that moment that time ceased to exist. Eli felt a sense of anger travel through him. He never had a problem with Jake; well he did, but that was due to his own mental illness. Now as he stared at Clare, processing what she was telling him, he felt sick to his stomach. He knew where Clare stood when it came to sex. The vow didn't bother him when they were dating. Eli would have waited for years if it meant he got to share such a special moment with Clare. What did offend him was how willing Clare had been to give it up to Jake in such a short time that they had been dating.

He closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and replied, "Why are you telling me this? Why did you text me and tell me to come over when you going to say something like this?" He tried to keep his tone neutral, but the imminent anger was hard to conceal.

Clare blinked quickly. "Please don't yell, "She urged, but she understood that Eli had every right to react as he was right now.

"You didn't answer the question," he growled.

Clare fought back a wave of tears. "I thought it was the right thing to do, but as I was getting close to it, I stopped. I couldn't. My mind… my mind it went to you."

Eli's hardened expression softened ever so slightly as he heard Clare speak. _I can't do this. I can't fall back into this routine with Clare, _he thought. His body stiffened and the tough exterior returned to his face. "What do you want me to say, Clare? Do you want me to say that it's great that my memory stopped you from throwing away your biggest moral to Jake? Do you want me to say that I'm so thrilled you were even in that situation to begin with?" Eli's voice had risen in pitch. Everything that he was holding back was spilling out and he knew he wouldn't be able to filter it any longer.

"I know, Eli, but –"

"But nothing, Clare! Do you understand how much I loved you? Actually no, how much I love you. With my Bipolar disorder or not, my feelings for you will always be there. I've tried fighting them. I've tried every method possible to get rid of them, but I can't!" Eli finished that sentence with a tone of voice that was near screaming.

Eli stopped speaking and stared at Clare, how frozen her body now stood. She opened her mouth to speak, but seemed to reconsider what she was about to say and closed it. Silence played out between them for a few moments; their eyes almost afraid to meet.

"I'm sorry," Clare muttered; her tone barely above a whisper. "When I went out with Jake, it was a way to… forget about you. You've always have been in my mind Eli, and I thought by dating someone else, it would help me get over you. It did at first. I was overwhelmed by the excitement of a new relationship, but once that mood faded, I was miserable." Clare played with the ends of her shirt trying to find some way to stop herself from bursting into another set of hysterics.

"Well, I'm sorry that your plan didn't work for you," Eli replied bitterly.

"Don't say you didn't make mistakes either," Clare yelled; a little shocked at how sudden her outburst was.

Eli's face was overwhelmed with an expression of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Clare threw her hands up. "Don't play dumb, Eli! What about Imogen? You used her, manipulated her because you knew she'd bend to your will. I know you were sick, but there's more to it then that and you know it!"

Eli clenched his jaw shut tightly. He didn't say anything because he knew that Clare had hit the nail on the head with that statement. A few weeks ago he was all about getting Clare back. He had chose Imogen to be part of the scheme to do so. The only thing that was different after therapy and medication was that he wasn't trying to win Clare's heart again; he was attempting to let her go. However, as she stood there in front of him, so exposed and so open, he knew just how strongly his feelings were for her.

"You're right," he admitted. "Every word of that is true. Is that what you wanted though, a confession? Does that make you feel better?"

Clare took a few steps closer to Eli; her eyes soft and sad at the same time. They were sparkling with a hint of tears. "No," she whispered. "I want you, Eli. I want us back." She placed a kiss on the side of his lips.

Eli shivered under Clare's touch. She still had that effect on him. It was effortless too, one that he couldn't stop from taking over him. He missed her. He needed her. He wanted her. He loved her; the fact that he knew was always true at the end of each passing day.

"Clare…"

"Please, Eli," Clare said, coming closer so they were now only inches apart. "I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry for walking out that night in the hospital, for hurting you, for a time being the one thing you didn't need. "Tears brimmed on her eyes and she blinked in succession to fight the impending desire to cry.

Eli's hands fell onto Clare's waist and gripped them tightly. He pulled her against him; their chests meeting. "I'm sorry too for putting you through hell, for yelling at you, for…breaking your heart."

Clare's hand leaned up and stroked Eli's cheek. "I forgive you. I did a long time ago."

Eli couldn't hold back any longer. He crushed his lips against Clare's feeling the familiar delicateness and comfort of Clare's mouth. He lined her bottom lip with his tongue before entering. Clare's hands went up to his hair and tugged on it gently as the kiss deepened; both fighting for control over the other.

Clare had missed this, all of this, everything that Eli had to give her. Eli pulled away; both him and Clare slightly out of breath from the roughness of the kiss.

"I love you," Eli said. "I want to make things right this time around."

"I love you too. " Clare took in a deep breath. "I know we'll do better," Clare replied confidently.


End file.
